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I’ve lived with my parents, my ex, and now housemates – strangers I met on Craig’s list.

We’ve sold the two-bedroom apartment that we purchased four years ago. I was a bit of a Sheldon with the decorating. I wanted it to look like something out of a magazine, we had funky patterned cushions, feature walls, we used the natural light to the best of our ability, had indoor plants, and all furniture chosen over months and months to find perfect pieces. Things that people, women, exclaimed over. Once off items, souvenirs from trips, art pieces picked up at via e-bay. I still feel a little sick thinking it’s been dismantled and sold off.

My friend Alice, who’s a bit of a hippie, said that furniture stored energy and memories, and that I should get new things for my new life. It made sense. And I was angry with Brad. I wanted to show that our old life meant nothing to me. That I’d moved on. That I didn’t care.

That was a lie too.

It’s been two years and nine months since I’ve had sex.

We didn’t make love, have sex, whatever, for about a year before we separated, and the divorce came through a month ago.

Wow, I’m so off tangent. I wanted to tell you about my housemates.

So I live with two others.

Sarah is 29, in retail, single, red-head (not natural), and is never home. She is out all the time, either dating, friends, family, she is always busy. Lovely, but way too chatty.

This morning, at 645am I zombie walk, pre-coffee, to the kitchen.

‘Hi,’ she chirps.

I nod. Incapable of words.

‘So how was your night? I had like, the best night ever. We went to Zero for drinks, then met these guys, and the six of us decided to go to Mecca for Lebanese. Then we realized, they were totally Sixster – this way cool un-discovered band. Anyway, the lead singer, Jeremy, asked me for a blow job. So we went to the bathrooms. I had just knelt down, when security came in and busted us. We got kicked out of the restaurant. Oh my god. Can you believe it? Like it was Denny’s or something.’

Seriously. That’s what she said. At 645am. Not cool Sarah. Not cool.

Then we have Alex, a a-typical, IT nerd. Lovely, but is home everynight. When you ask what he does, he will always say:

‘I have a team mission on to take out a horde, and loot a castle.’

Something to do with WOW. I had to google it after our first conversation. World of Warcraft. None of my friends are into online video games, but he loves it. His girlfriend in Scotland lpays it, and that’s how they met. They’ve been dating for a year but haven’t met. She’s coming across in the next few weeks, and if things are good between them (I think that’s a polite euphemism regarding if they want to have sex with each other) then they will decide whether she moves across, or he does. Depends on Visa’s. I wonder if Alex is a virgin? It’s a definite possibility. But he’s super lovely, but so shy. He only talks to me if I initiate.

If she doesn’t work out, maybe I should pop his cherry and end my drought. Only kidding. I’m not that desperate.

Give me a month.